When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
