Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
