Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
