Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
