What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
