One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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