We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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