I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
