Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
