he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
