I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
