I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
