So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
