i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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