Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
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