the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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