I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
