dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
