I don't usually arrange sex via text message
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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