I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
