That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
