Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
