Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
