Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I looked at my own cervix.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
