I have demons in me.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
