Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I stole a fireplace last night.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
