I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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