If i come over, it means nothing
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
