On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
