I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
