just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
