Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
