well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
