note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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