were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
