Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
