Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
