he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
