Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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