I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
