U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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