Acid is not a monday night drug
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
