Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
