cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Randomize
