So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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