Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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