Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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