Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
