Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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