The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
