Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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