I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
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