Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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