So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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