Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
